would jesus support a bad haircut?
so last night i decided to do something. i shaved my "beard". before getting rid of all of my facial hair, i gave my self big mutton chops, left the mustache, and made soul patch. it was scary. i looked like i might actually belong to NAMBLA. after this adventure ended, i was reminded of a question posed by a loyal reader of "the bocks": would jesus support a bad haircut?
the answer, obviously, is an emphatic no. no, jesus would not support a bad haircut. why would the king of the jews be in favor of terrible grooming? people are supposed to look their best for the big jc. i mean, thats why so many humans get all gussied up for church on sundays.
however, there are certain qualifiers for the bad haircuts that jesus does not support. naturally, what's "good" or "bad" or "acceptable" is very, very relative. the bad haircuts that i am referring to, which are undoubtably bad, are those that an insane person would wear. one such example are the stupid kids who cut their hair with a knife cause it "looks cool", when in fact they could have done it a lot faster by taking a weed-wacker to their heads or ducked under the blades of a lawn mower. yet they do this all in the name of fashion. missing chunks and looking like you are retarded is now the cool way to wear your hair.
this also extends to the "emo hair" which is something that my jesus would not support. you know what i mean. those kids who think they look great with hair in their eyes, so they grow it the front long, but are too sissy to grow out the rest of thier hair, so it's short in the back. kinda like a reversed mullet. why would anyone want a reversed mullet? cause they are dumb. jesus does not support their bad hair.
soon after the reversed mullet came the fake mohawk. some refer to it as a "fo-hawk" or "feux-hawk". real mohawks (where you actually shave your head and leave a line of hair straight up, usually 3-12 inches high) were part of a movement more political than fashionable. now it has been bastardized with this socially acceptable "fohawk". its really sad, and jesus definitally doesn't support that haircut.
now if a person had no other means of styling their hair, and it looked like they were run over with a lawn mower, then that is fine. or if someone's hair just naturally falls into a fake mohawk, this is not bashing you. maybe the only hair you can grow is in the front, so you have a reversed mullet, but it is hardly by choice. this is not aimed at you and your hair. jesus supports you and your hair. but when you choose to blatantly have bad hair, such as the afore mentioned styles, you have lost jesus's support for your hair.
this may sound like i am the kid with the right hair and look awesome or something. that is not at all true. i used to sport the liberty spikes and a tri-hawk, then i grew it out long, cut it short, and now i dont know what i am doing with my hair. i just put gel in it and let it do what it wants, for the most part. but i dont think that my hair is the shiznite. i dont spend hours cutting it with a dull knife just to impress the local indie-rock scene. my hair is just there, with the support of jesus. sure, some people can pull off a bad haircut, and some people even look good or attractive (this little essay is for guys and girls, both), but i dont think that jesus is with them, at least not their hair.
this all boils down to vanity. i'm pretty sure that jesus is not a fan of vanity, but he probably can tolerate it to a certain extent. what really gets him off (i think) is when a person is completely vain about their hair, yet they look like they should be committed due to thier entirely awful haircut. its a combination of vanity and stupidity. jesus didn't die to support the haircuts of the vain and stupid. i know i wouldn't have.
the answer, obviously, is an emphatic no. no, jesus would not support a bad haircut. why would the king of the jews be in favor of terrible grooming? people are supposed to look their best for the big jc. i mean, thats why so many humans get all gussied up for church on sundays.
however, there are certain qualifiers for the bad haircuts that jesus does not support. naturally, what's "good" or "bad" or "acceptable" is very, very relative. the bad haircuts that i am referring to, which are undoubtably bad, are those that an insane person would wear. one such example are the stupid kids who cut their hair with a knife cause it "looks cool", when in fact they could have done it a lot faster by taking a weed-wacker to their heads or ducked under the blades of a lawn mower. yet they do this all in the name of fashion. missing chunks and looking like you are retarded is now the cool way to wear your hair.
this also extends to the "emo hair" which is something that my jesus would not support. you know what i mean. those kids who think they look great with hair in their eyes, so they grow it the front long, but are too sissy to grow out the rest of thier hair, so it's short in the back. kinda like a reversed mullet. why would anyone want a reversed mullet? cause they are dumb. jesus does not support their bad hair.
soon after the reversed mullet came the fake mohawk. some refer to it as a "fo-hawk" or "feux-hawk". real mohawks (where you actually shave your head and leave a line of hair straight up, usually 3-12 inches high) were part of a movement more political than fashionable. now it has been bastardized with this socially acceptable "fohawk". its really sad, and jesus definitally doesn't support that haircut.
now if a person had no other means of styling their hair, and it looked like they were run over with a lawn mower, then that is fine. or if someone's hair just naturally falls into a fake mohawk, this is not bashing you. maybe the only hair you can grow is in the front, so you have a reversed mullet, but it is hardly by choice. this is not aimed at you and your hair. jesus supports you and your hair. but when you choose to blatantly have bad hair, such as the afore mentioned styles, you have lost jesus's support for your hair.
this may sound like i am the kid with the right hair and look awesome or something. that is not at all true. i used to sport the liberty spikes and a tri-hawk, then i grew it out long, cut it short, and now i dont know what i am doing with my hair. i just put gel in it and let it do what it wants, for the most part. but i dont think that my hair is the shiznite. i dont spend hours cutting it with a dull knife just to impress the local indie-rock scene. my hair is just there, with the support of jesus. sure, some people can pull off a bad haircut, and some people even look good or attractive (this little essay is for guys and girls, both), but i dont think that jesus is with them, at least not their hair.
this all boils down to vanity. i'm pretty sure that jesus is not a fan of vanity, but he probably can tolerate it to a certain extent. what really gets him off (i think) is when a person is completely vain about their hair, yet they look like they should be committed due to thier entirely awful haircut. its a combination of vanity and stupidity. jesus didn't die to support the haircuts of the vain and stupid. i know i wouldn't have.
posted by goodbyedearsun at 3:36 PM
2 Comments:
wait just a moment. a fro is far different from a wave. and who said that jesus had a slight wave in his hair? i thought jesus was black, thus minimizing the possibilities for wavy hair. he also didnt have a gerry-curl, or however you spell it, cause that can go under the list of bad haircuts not supported by the jesus.
as to you liking "emo hair" and the "fohawk", people spend hours on their hair to make it look like it was done carelessly, so their hair burns in hell too, without exception. i think your fro will be safe though. me and jesus have no beef with afros.
I think that different jesuses would support different bad haircuts. perhaps the camouflage jesus would like muttonchops.
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