pearl harbor sucked and i miss you.

i'm a sinner. i'm either going to hell or going to jail. i already told zach this exact same thing. i am now guilty of first-degree downloading. i know, i know...i couldn't help myself. but now i have 2 ludacris albums, the team america soundtrack, and a bunch of ella fitzgerald. i dont mind downloading stuff put out by people who are either too rich for their own good or dead. but i am not addicted. i can stop whenever i want to. i just don't want to right now.

school starts in 2 days. life begins in 4 months. lunch is over in 23 minutes. appleseed cast is playing tonight around 10. i think thats when i will show my beautiful face at the outland. i just do not want to be tortured by crappy local bands that are full of themselves. and i have no burning desire to see an ex-cursive member's band.

i bought the new black rebel motorcycle club on sunday. it's quite good. it's quite different. it's not quite rock and roll, yet it is still rockin, only with an acoustic guitar the majority of the time. i enjoy it a lot. there is a lot more folk and country influence in it, but it is in a good way. i wouldn't recommend it if you want to listen to it while you ride your hog with your leather jacket, aviator glasses, and bandana on, giving the bird to every piece of bacon you speed by. but you should check it out anyway.

there's a sale on freedom. it was $1.05. now it's $0.98. go stock up while supplies last.

hold on, magnolia, i know what a true friend you've been.

home, sweet home. well, back to my domicile in missouri. i refuse to accept this strange land as my home. i dont believe that i have a real home anywhere right now. people say that home is where the heart is, but my heart is not attached to any specific residence at the moment. true, i do desire to live in canada, but there is no specific place there, no building, no city that i have spent a lot of time in to justify it as my home. i do have the house i grew up in back in new york, but i have, whether consciously or sub-consciously, estranged myself from that house. and i will never call myself a missourian. i think i would throw up until i died if i ever claimed that, even if it meant living in denial. so, i have no true home. but i plan on making either chicago, ontario, or another part of western new york my home in these coming months. either way, i should have friends nearby.

which brings me to the topic at hand: friends. i like friends. i like having friends. i like it when people consider me to be a friend. as mentioned in my last post, i told my readers that i was driving home for a funeral, to be with friends, etc. and i did that. i saw many people i haven't seen in quite some time, years in some cases. it was good to see them all, except for the circumstances that brought us together again. through this situation, i learned that i need to be a good friend to those close to me and keep them close, even if we are (hundreds of) miles apart. and that one friend i almost crossed off my list (see july 11 post), i know now not to discount her, and i am sorry for any thoughts of doing so. i just didn't understand the surrounding circumstances.

i also learned some other things while in the empire state. while making the first half of my 2000+ mile round trip drive, i was wondering if i was doing the right thing, if it was worth the trip. it was worth the trip and so much more. i would do it again if i had to. i think that through this whole ordeal i have found a piece of faith that i had lost or forgotten about. it is making me re-evaluate some values and beliefs, and also made me realize that i have been too cynical about some things. in a nutshell, it was a growing experiece. in a turtle-shell, it might have been a learning experience. but no matter what shell you put on it, it was a good experience.

south park season six is scheduled for release on october 11th, for those who care. i care. i care a lot.

too much driving when gas prices are so freaking high.

this must be the summer of travel. it is for me, at least. i flew to new york in june, drove to chicago in july, drove to texas this past weekend, and now i am going to drive to new york this thursday. this last trip was unexpected and not planned for. sadly, it is for a funeral of a friend from my old church in buffalo. she was only 19. she fell from a cliff in zoar valley, a fall of over 50 feet. by the time she was able to be moved, she had already died. david called me last night while i was at work to let me know what happened. i didn't cry till i told my dad that i was driving home because lauren had died. i don't really understand why i feel so affected by this. i mean, i knew her and i would consider her a friend, though we were never close, but i feel really shook up over this, literally. whenever i think of it or have to tell someone why i am driving to new york and back in 4 days, i start to shake a bit. maybe its cause this is the first real death of a peer, someone i once called a friend. maybe it's because i know how much more my other, closer friends will hurt. i think that may be why i feel the strong need to drive home, so i can comfort those i love and cry with them. my dad doesn't think its a good idea that i should drive home, but he doesn't ever think that what i want to do is a good idea. i just feel that it's the right thing for me to come home and be with old friends. a note to the family just won't cut it, cause i hardly know them at all, and i would be very surprised if they remembered me.

i hope igbatious, simone, and widgimon will be okay for a couple days. it seems like they are becoming friends. huzzah for 4-day, 2000 mile trips and leaving cats in my apartment by themselves. maybe john or lindsey can check up on the li'l guys.