coffee makes me have to use the restroom, and there is no bidet here

it's rather difficult for me to find good pants. usually they just fit weird or look weird. pants also do not come in my size all the time, since i am kinda in between the normal sizes. well, a while back, like around christmas or so, i received a gift certificate to express for men. i bought some nice jeans. i liked them a lot, except the waist was a bit bigger than i like, but they didnt have my perfect size, so i got them anyway. well, i liked them so much, and wanted some that actually fit nice, so i bought a pair from ebay and they are my favorite jeans: perfect color and perfect fit. one problem: they have a button fly. i want to know what caused some boor bastard to decide to put a button fly on a pair of men's jeans.

i guess it seems okay to put a button fly on girl's jeans. i dont really know. but it makes it a royal pain in the gluteus maximus to use a urinal. i don't want to come off as being vulgar or something, but a zipper is so much easier to use. why, oh why would any guy prefer a button fly over a zipper fly? it doesn't make sense. and this feature alone keeps my jeans from being the ultimate pair of pants i have ever owned. buttons are just so cumbersome. zippers are quick and easy. just the way i like them.

don't run or horse around.

my word. it's hot. it has been hot for some time. my computer is telling me that it is 98 degrees outside, not to mention the heat index. it was 102 or 103 yesterday, with a heat index of 108. i'm glad i'm not in st. louis right now cause they are supposed to have a heat index of 115 today. i think i should stop talking about the weather. i'm turning into my dad.

well, along with the weather is the ever-present question of where i am going to go once i finish my degree from good ol' eu. canada seems to be calling me louder and louder these days, but i really don't want to go to buffalo again in order to get up there. i wish i could just go straight there, but that seems out of the question, unless some nice canadian dame shows her pretty face to me and will want to be married to me just long enough for me to become a canadian citizen. i know for sure that i do not want to stay in the midwest, even though i have thought about columbia. it's just too...too...missouri for me. too much bible-belting going on. too southern. i am a northerner. i am a yankee. but i'd much rather be a maple leaf.

i have yet to win a large sum of money from the lottery. obviously jesus hates me. looks like i will have to work for the rest of my life. i would have liked the option to take a few years off, or not care about how big my paycheck was. i would also like to be able to get a car with working air conditioning. that would make me smile a lot. my car does not perform well in the air conditioning category.

i thought i was going to rearrange my room, and possibly pull the smaller couch in here, but that proved to be too much work. no couch moving. just keeping my room looking the same as it has for the past year. now there are only five months left until i will rearrange it for sure, cause thats when i am busting out of this apartment, town, city, state, and most likely time-zone. chicago lost some appeal for me since i lost a friend, thus the renewed desire for southern ontario. i also love telling people that i want to go to canada and they look at me like i am crazy. they think canada is stupid or something, but here is something that i was told while at intonation music festival: america is awesome...canada is a fantasy land. since canada is real, and makes some people say it is a fantasy land, i will choose to live in the fantasy land, since thats where i am most of the time in my mind, anyways.

i find out my scores for the nys tests i took for teaching on monday night at the earliest. part of me wishes that i wasnt going to be a teacher so i could get a real job right away (i dont want to start teaching mid-year). maybe i can find a good community college to teach in once i get my masters. that would be nice i think.

why do people smoke when they are playing sports and when it is really hot outside? wouldnt that just make you more tired and hot? stupid smokers.

draco dormiens nunquam titillandus (never tickle a sleeping dragon)

i wrote a good post. you dont get to read it. just know it was good.

i hate computers and tomatoes.

toby the tubby tuna told tommy the troubled turtle "don't kill your friends because they are just too important."

wow. so much to talk about, but where to begin? i guess i could begin on friday. it was, afterall, where everything basically started.

friday. i finished harry potter and the order of the pheonix for the fourth or fifth time. i don't remember exacly how many times i have read it. but it was important to finish as harry potter and the half-blood prince was being released that night. i was really excited, yet more jealous because i knew i wouldn't be able to read it for a while. zach, harry, jon, mike, and i went to borders for the release. good times, except that i only got 48 of 50 questions right concerning the first five hp books. i was hoping for a clean 100%. oh well. the story goes on where zach got his book, i got a box, and we set sail for st. louis.

saturday. this is where my jealousy mounted, having to drive and glancing at zach reading the precious. i was trying to see how far he was getting, but at the same time not read the chapter headings or anything becuase that could ruin some stuff. anyhoo, we made it to st. louis around 3:42 am, settled in james' apartment, and i finally had a chance to get my eyeball prints all over hp6. i planned on reading the first chapter, but that wasn't good enought, primarially cause it was a let down: it wasn't a harry potter opening chapter. so i read chapter 2. once done there, i forced myself to put the book down and sleep. it was, after all 4:30 am and i did have to drive to chicago at 6 am.

well, we drove, turned around, and drove some more, all the while zach advanced further along in the book and james and i conversed a bit. we made it to intonation music festival on time, someone bought my extra tickets, and had a great time. i was exhausted, but loved it anyway. we eventually made it to becky, stephanie, and alli's apartement where i sucked down two more chapters.

sunday. two more chapters of hp (chapters 5 and 6 for those keeping score). food. intonation. driving. dancing. more (real) driving. sleep sometime early monay morning (2:36ish in the a.m.).

monday. woke up to two more chapters of harry potter then hit the road like it cursed my mother. i did some laundry and eventually made it to barnes and noble where i could read harry potter as much as i wanted to, or at least until they closed. the latter turned out to be what jesus had in store for me, so i reluctantly drove back to the apartment after the clock struck 11pm and was kicked out of the store. my mind was racing with the previous eighteen chapters as sleep took hold of me (or was it the three pills i took before bed?)

tuesday. i didn't want to go to work. i wanted to read. i forced myself to drive to work this morning and process some meaningless loans. what's the point with all that is going on with harry, ron, hermione, et al.? zach was nice enough to let me borrow the book today, seeing as he finished reading last night. so, here i am, sitting at my desk, with nothing to do but write in this stupid blog when i should be reading hp7, except that jk rowling has not written it yet. i have finished hp6 and feel anxious, devastated, betrayed, hurt, and unsatisfied. in other words: best book ever. i think that this is the best book to date by jk, except that there is little action throughout the book. however, there is enough at the end for any harry potter fan. i'm not about to reveal anything here, even though no-one would really care, but i still need to talk to someone about it. alas, i am at work, without zack here to discuss matters. i thought craig had almost finished, but he's only on chapter six or seven. i feel that i need to scream or something because this is killing me. i dont know exactly what is, maybe the fact that __________ really did _____ _____________, or that ______________ truly _____. i still can't believe that, though. it hasn't sunk in, the shock of it all. jk should have taken toby the tuby tuna's advice about killing friends. ___________ definitally grew to be my friend, but the rowling decided it was time for that person's demise. and to think that ______ was the _____ _____ ______. craziness. at first i was suprised and afraid for _____ when he _____ _________, and was even feeling sorry for _______, but now i dont know what to think about anything, especially when ______ made me think he was truly _____. but now i know better. now all bets are off.

glad i got that off my chest, but i'm still not satisfied. i told craig this, but i will say it again: jk rowling should have delayed releasing this book until she had a good start on book seven (like half written or more) so there would not be such a huge gap of time between these two books, kinda like what they did for the last two matrix movies, except that these books are amazing (i am banking on the 7th installment to be equal or greater than previous releases), and the final two matrix movies were not quite so amazing. more like stupefying, if i can use it: they made me feel like they were stupid. and they were.

i hope these next two new-harry-potter-book-free years go by in a flash. i will, of course, be re-reading all the books several times over the next two years, and watching the movies, of course. i just hope i can make it.

did he say you look like a pig that's been taught to walk on its hind legs? cause that's not cheek, that's true.

so, what the hell? i was totally excited to be going to chicago, now i'm just more pissed than i have been in a really long time. i was really looking foreward to seeing katy and catching up and stuff, but she said that she couldn't go cause of moving into her new apartment, and that we couldn't stay at her house cause of a friend staying there. i told her she sucked. she got mad, hung up the phone. i called back, told here i was being sarcastic and said sorry, and was in the middle of asking if we'd be able to see each other at all, and she hung up on me for a second time. yeah, that's one of my really good friends i have had since kindergarten. i dont understand. i also bought her ticket for the festival cause she said she was gonna go, so now im out twenty-five bucks, but should be able to sell the pass once in chicago. i'm still pissed as hell and want to let some vulgarities fly, but, alas, i am at work, surrounded by people who would want to exorcise the demons if i started cursing up a storm. i hate it here. damn evangel. damn missouri. damn friends from my past life. at least i still have intonation to look foreward to. and harry potter.

harry potter and the half-blood prince comes out on saturday. zach's getting it friday at midnight. i cant wait to read it. i've been reading the first five again. i started last week, saturday the 3rd i think, and am now just beginning the 5th book. i cant get enough of this series. i think that it is just such an appealing world that j.k. rowling created that i want to be completely immersed in it, cause then maybe it will be real, and i will be a wizard and can fly on a broom and use my wand to make things come to me or hex those who piss me off. and then i could be learning useful things in school, like transfiguration and arithmancy, rather than crap like christian philosophy and abstract algebra. then i also could use a feather quill and rolls of parchment without getting weird looks from everyone around me.

and i could also wear long robes without being called offensive names.

the most insightful and culturally relevant conversation ever:

for those who do not read past comments, i thought that this needed to be posted on the main page. (i did edit some of it, but just grammar, not content). thanks to james and zach for your contributions. you both deserve a scratch-and-sniff batman sticker. then you could finally know what batman smells like. enjoy and be enlightened.

in a conversation between three friends, chubby cox raises an important question that deserves much-needed attention. here is what was discussed by three of the greatest minds ever to grace this forum:

Chubby Cox said... I have a question. Who would win in a battle to the death: C-3P0 or Johnnie-5 from Short Circuit 2 (the one with a mohawk)?

if the accident will said... jonnie-5, of course. he is so bad-ass and punk-rock. c-3po is a nancy-bot that just wants to give up and be left behind every time he is dismembered. what a wuss. jonnie, on the other hand, keeps on truckin' even when he is dying and bleeding all over the place. he also beats people up and i think he used a switchblade once. or maybe he beat up a guy with a switchblade. however, 3po does have the weapon of boredom on his side. he could talk little jonnie to death, but i think jonnie would act before the sally-droid had an opportunity to blab iron jonnie into submission.

$10,000 on jonnie to win in round 1. another $5,000 that c-3po will act like a pansy the whole time, crying and whining but not putting up a fight at all, eventually just accepting his fate.

see this lady she's my baby baby said... if C-3PO and Johnnie-5 were in a relationship, Jonnie-5 would be the drunken wife beater and C-3PO would be the submissive stay-at-home mom. C-3PO would have dinner ready every night when Johnnie-5 got home from work. Johnnie-5 would beat C-3PO up for stupid reasons ("There are peas in my rice!", "There are peas in this casserole!", etc.) and C-3PO would just take it for a while and then lock himself in the bathroom until Johnnie-5 took off for the neighborhood pub. One day, C-3PO would have enough, though, and blow up their trailer with Johnnie-5 asleep inside. So Johhnie-5 would win every battle except the final, and most important, one. But that's only if they were in a relationship. If they weren't in a relationship and just hated each other the old fashioned way, Johnnie-5 would always win.

On a side note, Johnnie-5 is probably really bad in bed. I can't imagine him satisfying C-3PO's needs very well. Johnnie-5 probably just lies on top of C-3PO and twitches for 4 or 5 minutes. A sensitive type like C-3PO needs intimacy. and oral. lots and lots of oral.

so, now you know who would win in a battle to the death, karate kid style, and who would win white-trash style. may your future decisions be guided by what was learned from this small conversation between modern geniuses...